Bambi II: Parenting through Grief
What we can learn about our response to grief as adults and how it affects the children in our lives.
My Grandma passed away when I was 14 years old. I remember how old I was because I turned 14 the summer I took care of her before she died. The night she passed it was my first time attending a homecoming dance for high school. That morning I didn’t hear my Mom get the call that my Grandma was dying, and so I didn’t hear her flurrying around and rushing out the door to go be with my aunts and be with her while she transitioned into what comes next after this life while I slept and got an unceremonious knock on my door a couple of hours later from my Dad.
“Your Grandma died we have to go.”
Or something like that. I don’t remember his exact words, but I burst into tears after, pulled on some clothes and went to Grandma’s house. To this day I still call it ‘Grandma’s house’ in my head, even if she doesn’t live there anymore. Even if after that day, the adults around me don’t really talk about her much. Grief works through people in different ways, and I suppose there is no ‘good age’ to lose anyone, and certainly not at 14 on the day of your first homecoming dance.
That night I truly expressed for the first and only time what I was feeling to my Dad as he drove me and my brother to the dance. I was dressed in a black dress and had my microbraids curled at the ends, and my only accessories were gold bracelets and a silver Hannah Montana necklace.
“Why didn’t anyone wake me up? I’m upset. I feel like I didn’t get to say good bye.”
My Dad didn’t have anything to say to me. We drove in silence and we were dropped off at the dance. I had a great time that night and I never mentioned my feelings to either of my parents ever again.
Bambi II picks up right where its predecessor’s most climatic scene leaves off. Bambi stands in the wood without his Mother, and The Great Prince of the Forest comes to him, signaling that his Mother will no longer be with him. The film follows the journey of both of these characters, one having just faced a traumatic experience losing the only parent he’s ever known, and the other suddenly thrust into an actual parental role rather than that of an authoritative or decorative one.
The Great Prince is so unsure of his ability to give Bambi what he needs during this time that he automatically tells Friend Owl to find a doe to take over caretaker duties for Bambi. Not only is he responsible for overseeing the entirety of the forest, The Great Prince is grieving the loss of Bambi’s Mom himself. Though he won’t show it, there are subtle times in the film where he loses control of his emotions, showing a hint of anger for example when Bambi talks about his Mom and tells him it’s best to ‘leave the past in the past.’
Bambi clearly wants to talk about his emotions, and doing so is healthy and helps him process his grief and trauma. Being around his friends, Thumper and Flower also helps him feel less isolation and fulfills his need for normalcy at a time when so many things are changing in his life. They manifest in dreams, and his longing for his Mom causes him to fall for Man’s ‘tricks’ and he wanders into the open meadow. The Great Prince has to rescue Bambi from a vicious attack from a pack of hunting dogs, and after an angry outburst, Bambi directly asks his Father if his Mom is ever coming back. He finally gives him a direct answer, and Bambi is able to accept that his Mom will not return to him in a physical sense. But instead of furthering the conversation, or comforting young Bambi in anyway, The Great Prince walks off into the woods and goes to Friend Owl and commits to the idea that Bambi needs a doe to look after him because he can not confront his own grief and thus can not take care of Bambi’s needs. But to explain this to Bambi would be admitting a kind of defeat, or shame, and so he keeps how he feels to himself.
It is through Bambi that his parent begins to melt away his propensity toward isolation and start to open up. Bambi shows him how to play. The more Bambi and his Father play with one another, that is frolicking through the meadow, or splashing in the stream, it is shown that The Great Prince is gradually becoming more comfortable becoming Bambi’s parent, and the idea of sending him away because he is grieving becomes unfathomable. When the doe that Friend Owl brings to take Bambi away comes to introduce herself to them both, Bambi is rightfully hurt, and his Father has to take responsibility for the pain he causes.
Children endure trauma and can easily repress it, only for the traumatic event to show up years later and to have adverse effects on their adulthood if unresolved, but with proper care from community and caring adults, children can thrive after a traumatic event and have a healthy life with go to coping mechanisms. Bambi instinctively goes to his friends Thumper and Flower, and has no trouble making new friends and being sweet and charming. He is tentative to new situations, but ultimately faces them head on and is resourceful when doing so.
Toward the end of the film, there is a full circle moment where he faces the pack of dogs that had petrified him earlier and rescues the doe, Mena, that was meant to take him away from his Father and be his new Step-Mother. He is believed to be dead after an action sequence leads to a dramatic fall off of a cliff, but ultimately what is significant about this interaction with the pack of dogs is that he is not met with an angry outburst from his new parental figure as he was before when it is found that he’s alive and well, but instead his Father meets him with love and care and a simple “I’m here.” This is also the first time Bambi calls him ‘Dad’.
In the last few frames of the film we find parent and child in a bright clearing where the canopy of the forest opens up ever so slightly for the sunlight to come through, The Great Prince has a pained expression on his face while Bambi looks around in awe. Bambi’s antlers have grown in a little, and the two have been spending a lot of time together. Time has passed. His Dad musters up the strength to say that this was the spot where he met Bambi’s Mother. In the films runtime, it is the first time he has mentioned his mate since her passing of his own volition without any prompting. He has learned in his own time to process his grief around Bambi’s Mother’s death, and how to cope with grieving with her with Bambi, by way of discussing how he knew her and was apart of her life, rather than shut off his emotions like he had been doing before.
We live in a society that honestly doesn’t handle grief well. We’re taught not to talk about the dead person outside of certain rituals; funerals, anniversaries or other significant dates. In addition to this, if a certain amount of time has passed, it may be seen as strange to some to keep talking about the person or bringing them up. When children are involved, adults have a tendency to not know what to say or do. If you’re raised in a family that has open communication about death, the topic of grief is easier to breach. Otherwise, it feels foreign for both you and your child to talk about when the time comes. You’ll suddenly find yourself acting like The Great Prince, bottling off your emotions and unable to express yourself. And when the time comes to explain the passing of a relative or friend, all children will be Bambi. They yearn for understanding and a sense of closure, and it is the duty of the adults in their lives to help them through that process.
