It's not 'upholding heteronormativity' to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community and decide to come out. Being Gay has nothing to do with straight people. I promise we want nothig to do with cis straight people in any way shape or form, white cis straight people even more so, and as a Black lesbian I would go to a different planet if there was one. There are tons of reasons people don't come out; they are met with violence, they can be removed from their homes, and even face the threat of death. Coming out, even in 2021, is still incredibly courageous and a difficult thing to do, and is a privilege for many people in this country. I can promise you people who choose to come out do not do so to 'seek validation'. The many times I've come out since I was 14 was to live my life openly and to find others like me because I live in a rural area, and now at 28 I've all but been forced back into the closet because of my transness in tandem with my lesbianism. Everytime I've been met with confrontation about who I am as a person, it was because of my identity as a Black Lesbian. There have been times in my work where I can casually mention my girlfriend, now wife, but now I cant be out at my place of work and have to fly under the radar. People know how to navigate this extremely homophobic society we live in. We know who's safe to be ourselves around and who isn't, and sometimes even when it's not safe it's more painful to hide our authentic selves so we take the risk, and that's a personal choice that should be celebrated and not a Gay person 'upholding heteronormativity'.